Top 5 Things Said by Inquiring Parents
Every inquiry received is unique, and yet there are some common phrases or concerns that parents bring up in conversation with me. My response has similarities, yet this comes with the perspective that values are different for every family, individual parent, and then the young adult. When it comes to speaking with parents, these are the top 5 things I hear or that we discuss during an inquiry call.
“My kid is highly intelligent.” I hear this often. This is most-likely true for most young adults, and the reality is that unless there is a history of psychological testing that demonstrates above average or superior cognitive functioning, nothing is confirmed. This is hearsay. When I hear this from a parent, I interpret their meaning to be that they love their children and they raised a smart child.
“We need a program, but they can’t be with those kids!” This comes from a place of fear that exposure to other mental health conditions or other types of substance abuse disorders will then somehow make their child susceptible. The reality is most young adults are very exposed to these things already. Often, I also find that with information gathering and assessment, some things (i.e. unknown substance use by the young adult) are uncovered thus making that young adult inappropriate for the types of programs that their parents were originally suggesting.
“We need to get them in to the program TODAY!” Unless the young adult is in a psychiatric hospital being discharged within the hour, or unless they are in detox and being recommended to transition to a residential program immediately, the sense of emergency may not be necessary. Do I think there is a sense of urgency to get the young adult the right help? Absolutely! And is it imperative to have all the information to ensure that the recommendations do align with the needs, and most importantly that the young adult can be involved in the interview and enrollment process? I would hope so. Ambivalence to getting care is usually heightened. If we rush into enrolling somewhere because of the parent’s sense of urgency, rather than the actual need for immediate care, we run the risk of sabotaging treatment even before the young adult steps foot in the program. It’s okay to slow the process down a bit.
“We need to find a program that will allow him to return to [INSERT COLLEGE NAME] in August.” For me, this is the hardest comment to hear during the inquiry process. It tells me there will be a ton of heavy lifting educating the parents about mental health in general. Their focus on getting their young adult care is a mask for the prioritization of them returning to school. It’s about image. It’s also about a lack of education around what a mental health treatment timelines look like. It also places the treatment team in a conflict with the parents from the onset. The treatment team’s focus is to get your child better, while your focus is to get them back on campus. When you remove the pressure of a return-to-school timeline, you’ll be surprised with how much more prepared your child is to return to college, when they’re ready to return.
“I’ll need you to find treatment options that are in-network (INN) with my insurance.” This could be a two-hour conversation just talking through Insurance 101. This is not as easy as it sounds, in fact, it’s extremely complicated. Often, parents are clueless to their insurance benefits and just assume that quality, clinical care is covered in-network by insurance. Nothing is further from the truth. I’m not saying that quality clinical care is limited to private pay programs only, but instead stating that if you go in-network with insurance, you are on a fast-track to getting out of treatment. Unless in-network program, private pay programs or programs that will bill out-of-network benefits understand the need to make mental healthcare accessible, yet they refuse to allow insurance companies to dictate treatment timelines. The goal for insurance is to get their patients in and out as quickly as possible, no matter the true presenting problems by the identified patient. You can ask someone to run a verification of benefits so you can better understand what’s likely going to cost money. Additionally, if you need in-network only and cannot afford anything that is not fully covered* by insurance, then it’d be better that you pull a list from your insurance provider’s website and just go through that INN list to find treatment options, rather than work with a consultant. Although working with a consultant is highly beneficial, the reality is you will want to put the money you’d pay a consultant towards your deductible.
Again, every family and young adult is different in their needs, wants, and abilities. If you are a parent reading this, think through some of these commonly shared inquiry topics to assess what your values, needs, and timeline are. It may help steer the inquiry call if you are reaching to a consultant for assistance. It may also help with expectations management for treatment for you, and your love done.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
*Nothing is fully covered by insurance. Period. There is always a deductible that must be met, co-insurance, and/or only a percentage of coverage. Families will always be paying at least something for healthcare. Also note that depending on the time of year, your insurance plan will hit the reset. Be prepared that nothing is free.
