Parent and Young Adult References
This article is two-fold. We’re discussing both the need for parent-to-parent conversations, and the need for young-adult-to-young-adult interactions. This is yet another perspective to incorporate into the larger picture of synthesizing whether a program is a fit for a young adult. Let’s dive in.
Parents are more flooded than ever with the amount of information they can glean just online alone (i.e. from a program website, online reviews, or Reddit). What you’ll find is some very diversified information based on subjective perspectives and experiences. It’s important than ever to go the extra step and ask for more. And don’t forget that no program is exactly alike. You have to take into consideration the differences. Programs are maintaining contact information for parents of previous clients to call-on for parent references. Yes, we’re aware that the parents on this list has a positive experience with their young adult. What I also want to highlight, is none of them had perfect experiences. What I like about recommending these conversations is that it’s honest, and realistic. Parents talk about expectations. You might hear something real like “if you work with Judy, she will most-likely miss her check-in calls with you. This was normal for us. We think she’s overworked, so we let it slide. What was more important to use was that our son really connected with her and she did a fantastic job in helping him.” That’s the kind of stuff a website won’t tell you, and neither with the admissions representative for that program.
I tell every parenting unit that I work with now to do this. Ask for parent references, plural. And if a program says no, don’t panic, just take this into consideration. Be curious. Think about the type of program you’re inquiring with. Is it an inpatient unit where the clients are there very short-term for stabilization? If yes, they may not be able to give references. Most can though.
When I’m preparing a young adult to talk to potential programs, I tell them to ask to speak with another client. It could be a former client, or someone who’s currently enrolled. Ask for it to be a video call, because I want them to see this other student. With each client, I think about what’s most important to them. Then I help them create a list of questions to ask that specific program, and the other client they’ll be speaking with. Get the honest beta. Is the program more structured than they actually lead on? Is their animosity among the clients right now because a therapist just got fired? Is the typical timeline towards graduation truly what they say it is? What should you know before enrolling? All of this is still just information gathered. Use this to be another piece of the puzzle leading to the decision you ultimately make.
For both parents and young adults, go visit in person. Programs are also apt to tour people in person. After the calls if you’re still uncertain, or hesitant for any reason, go see it with your own eyes. Check out the residence. Meet the staff. See how the other young adults are showing up. It’s not adolescent treatment. You are an adult, in an adult program. It’s a different situation altogether. Then once you visit, make a decision. And if you still aren’t sure, go back to the drawing board and consider hiring a consultant. If you’re already working with a consultant, share constructive feedback on what you were really wanting or needing so everyone can revisit the original goals. It’s working relationship. Working together to help sift through the BS and get to some really appropriate and helpful options.
In the end, it’s the young adult’s choice. Just make sure the choice is made with as much information that could be gathered on the frontend. Regret is a nasty thing.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
