My Kid is Going to College… Now What?
May 1 is College Commit Day. There’s a lot of hype around this day, and I personally wish it wasn’t such a big deal. Why? Because it stirs up shame for a lot of young people. Shame around where they’re going, if they’re going anywhere at all. Shame around finances and the affordability of education. Shame if there is any gut-feeling around not being ready, but being embarrassed to not swim against the current to carve out a non-college path. And shame for parents, because unfortunately there’s a badge some parent’s wear taking credit for their child’s educational outcomes. I know Brene Brown drums up the topic of shame, but when it comes to developing brains of high school students this couldn’t be stuffed further into the closet even if they tried.
If your kid is going off to college, then congrats to your child! If this is the path they’ve been working towards and they’ve finally committed to this plan: go them! As a parent, you may be starting to sweat the transition, even if your kid isn’t showing signs of the impending transition. There are four things that need to get done before they go:
Independent Skills. If this isn’t something you haven’t been working with them on, then we need to jump on it immediately. Without these skills, your kids will meltdown when they’re on campus. These are skills they need to be taught now, and know how to do.
Shift Academic Mindset. Even if your kid was Valedictorian, college is different. You have to learn to manage your schedule. You need to learn to set aside time outside of class to do the work. You need to understand that the way you studied in high school is likely the opposite of how you study in college. You need to understand that the syllabi so you know when assignments are due and exams take place. And if you haven’t experience failure, which a lot of the young adults I work with really have had failure deprivation, then you need to help them understand how to support themselves when (not if) they get that first failing grade.
6 Forms. As a parent, if you don’t understand the difference between FERPA and HIPAA you need to know that now. There are other documents you’ll want completed before your kid leaves for school. Especially if there is any history with mental health and hospitalizations, you’ll want to particularly pay attention to the Psychiatric Advance Directive document.
Parent Resources. You aren’t alone in this transition, so getting connected to other parents will be helpful. There’s a difference between being a high school vs. college parent. Get connected to online parent communities, join a parent support group, read books and listen to podcasts, as well as see your own parent coach or therapist. How you show up will help your kid with their transition to college.
A lot goes into this next chapter, an inevitably every year I end up meeting parents in August, September, and October who start the conversation with “I wish we’d known…” Let’s try to be proactive this time around. If your child needs support, let’s get that locked in now. Don’t wait until you’re in the emergency. If you want, you are planning to fail too.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
