Failure Deprivation

It is exactly what it sounds like.  It’s the opportunity, or lack thereof, where one builds resiliency by experiencing failure and overcoming it.  A lot of the young adults I work with now have experienced “failure deprivation.”  Not because they couldn’t have survived a skinned knee, but rather, because their parents didn’t allow for the opportunity.

Fast forward to first semester in college.  What happens often?  Failure!  Social and academic failure are a near guarantee in college.  You make new friends and they may turn out to not be great friends.  You turn in a paper assuming it was an A+ only to receive the D- that you earned the following class. Shock!  Disbelief! Knocked off your humble pedestal!   A deep well of sadness and disappointment that turns into a voice of shame and a narrative on repeat that says “I’m a failure.”  Notice I didn’t say “I failed.”  In the vacuum of failure deprivation, young people don’t have the experience of differentiating between who they are from what they did.  This, along with the inability to stumble, fumble, and grow, is a big reason why our college students right now can’t hack it.

If you are a parent of a kid, no matter their age right now, and you realize you have provided that safe bubble – stop right now. Let your children fail.  It’s hardest for you, as a parent, to witness it and not help.  By not providing them the growth that is necessary in becoming an adult, they will never be able to thrive independently.  In fact, they won’t be able to thrive at all.  Someone who hasn’t experienced failure and lived through, hasn’t truly lived. 

Let your kid learn to live! 

For questions or comments contact Joanna.