Top Ten “I Feel” Statements to Get Your Young Adult to Launch
Firstly, if this is the first time you’re hearing about “I Feel” statements, go back to reading this article first as a background in understanding communicating your emotions. You have to understand what you’re feeling first before you can learn to communicate it with others. It can be real clunky at first, but once mastered, it makes a world of a difference in sharing how you feel in an effort to ask others to understand, and choose to change.
Now that you've read that, if your young adult is struggling to launch, using "I feel" statements may help you communicate your needs and boundaries without triggering defensiveness or shutting down dialogue. Here are 10 effective "I feel" statements tailored for parents navigating this transition:
Focus on Responsibility:"I feel concernedwhen major adult responsibilities are left to us, because I want to make sure you're building the confidence to handle life on your own."
Focus on Communication:"I feel anxious when I don't hear from you about your daily plans, because I care about your well-being and want to know how you're doing."
Focus on Financial Boundaries:"I feel stressed when your expenses are added to my budget, because I need to keep our family finances predictable and secure."
Focus on Household Contributions:"I feel overwhelmed when I carry the full weight of maintaining the house alone, because we share this space together as adults."
Focus on Goal Setting: “I feel eager to support your long-term goals, and I also feel stuck when we don't have a clear plan to work on together."
Focus on Respect:"I feel disrespected when conversations turn into raised voices, because I want us to speak to each other with mutual adult respect."
Focus on Independence:"I feel conflicted when I handle tasks you can do yourself, because I want to respect your capacity to manage your own life."
Focus on Household Peace:"I feel disrupted when late-night noise affects the household, because I need reliable rest to manage my work schedule."
Focus on Problem-Solving:"I feel helpless when you shut down during difficult discussions, because I want to help you problem-solve through these challenges."
Focus on the Relationship:"I feel hopeful about our future relationship, but I feel tired when our interactions revolve entirely around unresolved stress."
If you need help in coaching around these conversations with your young adult, I’d encourage you to hire a parent coach. Without a support, you may give up easily in trying out “I feel” statements with your loved on. It’s hard and I want to acknowledge that. It’s not natural to communicate this way unless you’re highly attuned to emotional awareness, effective communication skills, and your own emotion regulation. I don’t expect that out of most of the parents I meet. If they’ve got a young adult who’s stuck at home, they are likely struggling themselves with stuckness in their communication. That said, hire a parent coach.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
