Keeping a Young Adult On The Payroll
Have you heard this expression before? If not, read closely. This is the first thing that comes to mind for me when I’m speaking with a parent who is detailing to me that their 21-year-old child living at home is languishing. First, you are the parent and you are keeping them on your payroll. If you were a business and they were your employee and they weren’t showing up to do the work, would you keep them on the payroll then? Absolutely not, no matter the relation. They’d get the boot. You need to think of the same thing for your child, as shocking as that may sound.
Let’s think through ways that a young adult tends to be on their parents “payroll.” The most common areas of financial support include:
Cell phone
Health insurance (until 26 years old)
Car insurance
Car payments
Apartment (if they are living rent-free at your house, you’re providing them accommodations. Think of what’s a typical rent-rate in your area)
Food (if they are living at home with you, you are most-likely feeding them and they aren’t contributing towards groceries. Are they helping shop? Cook? Clean? Putting the dishes away?)
Doordash, GrubHub, Toast, Uber Eats – do they use your credit card to get themselves food delivered whenever they want?
Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts – do they get coffee frequently on your credit card?
Amazon Prime – Do they use your credit card to order whatever they want/need whenever they need it?
Uber, Lyft – do they use your credit card to pay to get around whenever they need to go somewhere (especially if they still haven’t gotten their driver’s license?)
Netflix, HBO Max, YouTube TV, Hulu, Paramount, etc. - All the streaming services that may be keeping them stuck in watching re-runs, or binging shows.
This is only the tip of the iceberg in ways in which young adults are financially dependent on parents these days. We use these apps or don’t factor in these basic needs because it’s just assumed. Well, it’s time to stop with the assumptions. If you want your young adult to launch and you’re wondering why they aren’t launching, the first thing I’d do in write down how they’re on your payroll and then make drastic cuts. It’s harsh to cut all financial support off immediately (unless you’ve been dealing with this for awhile, and your child is struggling with addiction – as that’s a completely different story). For the “highly dependent young adult” you as a parent have to learn to let go.
Are they going to be poor? Absolutely! But that’s what drives motivation to work. Are they going to eat poorly? Absolutely, and once they get tired of mac and cheese they will seek out on their own family recipes, or at least find alternatives to start cooking. Are they going to get evicted? Possibly, especially if they don’t pay rent. But is that your fault or problem? No, unless you co-signed the lease with them, then I’ve got a completely different article about just that. For now, stop looking at your young adult and asking why they haven’t launching and instead hold up the mirror (and checkbook) in front of your face and see how you’re the accountable one supporting them financially. Then make the decisions you need to help your young adult understand they’re no longer on your payroll.
If you aren’t sure how to implement this plan or how to effectively communicate it, I’d work with a Parent Coach if I were you. Have someone who is an expert in understanding this to support you. Then, if your young adult is at a point asking for guidance in where to go and what to do, and you want to be removed from being involved in that process - I can help.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
