Three Steps to Take if Your Young Adult Gets a DUI/DWI
This is a situation no parent wants to plan for, nor hopes to encounter. However if you stumbled upon this article, it’s likely that this just happened and you’re trying to understand your next steps. It’s important to be swift in these next steps, as time is of the essence. Things are now in-motion for your young adult, some of which you can help to stop, or help to defer. The only way this can happen is when you know what to do. Below you will find a three-step process, in sequential order:
Get a DUI/DWI attorney involved immediately. Time-sensitive deadlines (like license suspension hearings) often start within days of an arrest, so don't wait. An attorney who specializes in DUI/DWI cases in your state can protect your young adult's legal rights, explain what's actually at stake (license, record, school/job consequences), and guide next steps before the first court date. This can include understanding a first-time offender and whether treatment as diversion is an optional.
Resist the urge to fix it for them. It's natural to want to call the lawyer yourself, pay every fee, or manage every detail. Sometimes this is what has to happen, especially if your young adult also landed in jail. But at 18+, this is your young adult's legal and personal responsibility to navigate, with your support rather than your rescue. Letting them make calls, attend appointments, and face consequences (within reason) helps the lesson actually land, and reinforces that they're capable of handling hard things. It can also be a wake-up call that their choices have consequences that you may not be able to help them get out.
Use it as an opening for an honest, non-judgmental conversation. A DUI/DWI is often a moment of genuine fear and shame for a young adult, which makes it a real opportunity for connection if you approach it with curiosity instead of anger. You may want to ask what was going on that night, whether alcohol or substance use has become a bigger pattern than you realized, or whether they'd be open to talking to a substance use specialist, but hold back and let your young adult lead the conversation. If you give them an opening to disclose what’s happening in their life, that vulnerability is an opportunity for accountability, ownership, and individuation between parent and young adult. If you are leading the conversation to inquire, is can lead to a perception of punishment, but as support. When they already know they’re in trouble with the law, they may feel extra exposed and defensive. Ensuring you do discuss what your financial support looks like (and doesn’t) during this time is a topic that can also become heavy. You can keep it light by making sure the way you’re sharing your financial boundaries is less about your young adult, and more about you. I always recommend working with a Parent Coach to figure that all out.
Believe it or not, I’ve collaborated with attorneys across the country who helped get treatment approved for our clients, some of which even included interstate compact approval by a judge. Then my work got to be working with the young adult to present treatment options that provided enough time in treatment for insight, awareness, growth, and healing. That, and it laid the foundation for a solid foundation in recovery so that each young adult didn’t find themselves dealing with the legal system ever again. If this has happened with your young adult, hire a professor (alongside the attorney) to find the best treatment option for your young adult.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
