Staying at home is not okay
When your over-18-year-old is not causing problems, other than the fact that they are still living at home it may appear hard to ask them to leave. They aren’t using drugs. They aren’t fighting with you, unless you ask them to get off their gaming system. They aren’t bringing strangers over to hook up. So how can you justify “kicking them out of the house?” The reality is, these are the young adults who need a nudge more than anyone! With kids getting in trouble, it’s easier to pinpoint the reason they need to leave.
View it this way: your home has become the womb. Your young adult has retreated into the womb. It’s comfortable in there. And for the most part as parents, there are no serious concerns. They kick occasionally, but otherwise you just acknowledge you’re carrying extra weight and nothing else. You’ve been growing a human forever, and at what breaking point do you say I’m tired of having a 32-year-old baby? Going from non-confrontational to confronting your loved one to leave can feel terrifying and out-of-character. This is not tough love, this is strictly holding a boundary. You don’t have to be harsh, just firm. If you’ve never done this before though, it’s going to feel weird! Also know you don’t have to do this alone. There is help! You can get coaching on how to say and when to say “it’s time.”
If you have a history of addiction in the family, it’s important to view tech addiction in the same vain as addiction to any substance. If your young adult exhibits a loss of control, they are thinking obsessively about gaming or their tech use, and if they have continued using despite consequences (i.e. losing another part-time, hourly job or deteriorating relationship with parents) these are all signs that staying at home and taking advantage of living at home rent-free can be more catastrophic than someone with drug addiction.
Do no minimize your kids’ situation because they aren’t getting in trouble in the law. Do no minimize your kid’s situation because they are living at home under your roof and you can keep an eye on them. Do not minimize your kid’s situation because they are “just playing video games.” Failure to launch is a real thing, and you are enabling your young adult from getting on with their life. Stop what you are doing. Learning how to parent an adult, as you have continued to parent as if you had a child at home. What happens to them if you die tomorrow? This is not a scare tactic; this is a legitimately a question I want you to answer. If they wouldn’t support themselves financially or know how to care for themselves you need to stop what you’re doing immediately and get them the help they need to grow up. It’s not too late.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
