When to Worry about your College Student
When your young adult is texting you that they’re bored and lonely, try not to panic. You’ve got to learn a new way you communicate with your child. Now is the time to actively listen, and then turn off any problem solving on their behalf and ask them what they’re doing to change their situation. College is a new community, new professors, new schedule. In general, new chapter altogether. Transitions can be rocky, and to get solid footing, we have to navigate that wobble on our own. The transition to college is the true test of individuation. Can then learn to get through the discomfort of rejection, loneliness, and on their own? Not only are they financially dependent on you for college, but they are often emotionally dependent on you for support. Let’s learn what’s normal, and when it’s time to worry.
The three most important parts of emerging adulthood are identity, independence and intimacy. Anything related to this is “normal.” Simply put: are they exploring activities and ways to figure out who they are and want to become? Are they taking steps to no longer be dependent on you as their parent? Are they meeting new people for both friendship and sexual relationships? Exploration in these areas is what they’re supposed to be doing.
So, when do you worry?
Are they not sleeping? Or are they sleeping way too much?
Have they lost a significant amount of weight (or gained a significant amount of weight)?
Has there been a change in communication patterns? Are they calling and texting you non-stop, or have they stopped communicating altogether?
Are they actively suicidal?
These maladaptive coping strategies are telling us they are not able to handle the stress of what’s being thrown at them right now and we may need to intervene. I’m not suggesting you do anything other than express concern. And if you are concerned but don’t have a FERPA or HIPAA release with your child’s college, you can still reach out to them to express concern. If you need to intervene, consider the implications of your child’s well-being, and their access to future college enrollments. What am I talking about? Just know about the different types of withdraws before you do anything that could have consequences.
There’s a lot going on here. If you are a parent in this situation, worried about your child and seeing some alarming signs that are rising concern, consider working with a professional to help you navigate this. This is my area of expertise and you’d be remiss to tackle this on your own.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
