Consultant as Contractor
Asking someone to trust your judgment and recommendations can be a tall order. If a family struggles with trust, this can be extremely challenging. They’re at a crossroads where they realize they hired a professional to help find them an ethical and appropriate treatment option for their loved one, but then as soon as the recommendations are presented the family exposes their disbelief in the process. This is a very common situation that I have with families I work with. Not because I’m not a trustworthy person, but because some family members have deep developmental trauma at their core that surrounds trust.
So, how do you get a family to trust you?
For me, I’ve had families ask me before to provide contact information for former or current families that have worked with me. Some consultants do this. I do not, and by saying no, this doesn’t always sit well with clients. My reason is just this: no family is the same, and we’re talking about human beings. With that in mind, humans have ups and downs. Just because a family was grateful for my services when they needed me doesn’t mean that they’re forever in the clear of any hiccups. This is way I list testimonials on my website. Those are real, and recent experiences written by families that have worked with me.
A father recently shared a metaphor of his experience after I presented program recommendations for his young adult. What was looking like defiance from the outside was in fact real-time struggle grappling with the idea of buying a house, site unseen. The father proceeded to break down his concerns with me. He said it’s like “buying a house based on pictures. You don’t receive a review or inspection report. It’s also without knowing the neighborhood. And all within a matter of days.” Now if you are a parent and are reading this, please understand that there are a lot of ways you can go about this experience without feeling this way. Programs invite you and your young adult to visit, when it’s appropriate. Unlike Consultants, some programs will provide contact information for families who have had a loved one in the program. There are ample reviews you can read online, which I highly suggest you take with a grain of salt. And since the young adult is the one who will be in the program, their gut feeling and sense about the place is what is most important. If a parent is feeling that paralyzed and uncomfortable with the “purchase of a house,” then as their consultant I would recommend additional support services (i.e. coaching, therapy, etc.) for the parents individually.
Speaking of cost, this example is also appropriate based on pricing. Paying for treatment can be in line with a mortgage, or more. For a parent to be concerned about throwing money away, I absolutely understand that. More of a reason to hire a Consultant! We are the least expensive part in this process, and yet the most valuable! What I can speak to though is that as a Consultant, I am not referring programs that aren’t clinically sophisticated and appropriate in helping your loved one. Not only that, but the money you are paying for they can transparently break down the cost for you to help understand what the sticker price represents.
In the end, you cannot tell someone to trust you. All you can do is be transparent and honest about everything so they can learn to trust. As a Therapeutic Consultant, I do not accept any compensation from programs when/if I refer a client to them. You’ll find that more in the Substance Use industry. Some of my clients are looking for substance use treatment and if they hire me to help them, I have a very short list of ethical programs I’d refer to. And that’s after heavily vetting them. In this case, it’s 100xs better to have hired a consultant to help with recommending solid programs rather than chancing what’s in-network with your insurance and seeing your loved one become a product of patient brokering. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Just Google it.
There’s no single way to completely trust this process. If you are hiring someone to help you find placements though, that’s a start. You don’t have the time, energy, or understanding of where to begin in finding a treatment program. If that’s the case, then when a Therapeutic Consultant provides you with placement recommendations try not to immediately second guess the options. What you have laid out in front of you may be anxiety inducing and think of how much more anxious you’d be if your options weren’t narrowed down? To trust is so much easier said than done.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
