New Game Introduction: “Last One Standing”

It’s funny and all but, it’s terrifying.  This is the game most Americans are playing right now.  It’s game where all your adult children return home to quarantine, but they haven’t all been under the same roof since they were teens.  In thinking back to those years, they probably weren’t quite times and rainbows or roses.  They were constantly bickering, fighting over the TV remote, and pulling you in twelve different directions with their non-academic activities.

Although they’re adults now, the moment they return home they lose all executive functioning capabilities. They stop doing their laundry, they don’t know how to cook or clean, and they don’t know how to communication with you like an adult.  Six days ago, when you knew COVID-19 would force families to quarantine, you felt comfort in knowing your kids would be returning home to stay safe.  Now that they’re home, you’re reminded why you wanted them out of the house to begin with.

Being back at home is truly a game of who is the last person standing.  Again, it’s funny in theory but, it’s terrifying.  Your 22-year-old in now presenting like a 12-year-old, and your children have ceased all adulting capabilities.  They’re viewing this like they’re home for vacation.  As a parent, this is your worst possible nightmare.  You wanted them know to know they were safe, but now you’re self-imposing the social distancing for each of them from their respected bedrooms.

I do not picture this game ending well.  This quarantine is going outlast any original date your adult children had in mind.  Most of them won’t make it.  They’ll cave in boredom or out of complete hysteria.  The last one standing will get a gold star.  As the parent, you will most-likely not be the one receiving the gold star.

For questions or comments contact Joanna.