Everything before the “but” is bullshit
If you hear someone say this, you will realize there is so much truth in this statement. It could be getting feedback from your co-worker. It could be a parent redirecting a child. It could be your friend responding to you when they clearly were not listening. Let this sink in, and then start to pay extra attention to the phrasing people use around you. Everything after the word “but” is bullshit, and essentially makes everything before “but,” meaningless.
Let us give some examples:
You did fantastic at your dress rehearsal, but I do not love your costume.
I hear you, but I do not think I agree with where you are going with this.
Yes, I know you must go to the bathroom, but I am going to need you to hold it a little longer.
I would love to play that game with you, but I cannot do it right this second.
By inserting “but” after the agreeing statement or hopeful comment, you immediately allow the other person you are speaking to, to deflate. You are allowing them to get their hopes up only to feel let down, put down, or shamed. Everything after the but is bullshit. Why? Because it is an excuse. It is not going to happen. You made it seem like you were willing and interested in the thing the other person was talking to you about, and then by following it with “but” you completely threw the statement away. You made every word before the “but” meaningless.
This stands for people dealing with addiction. This stands for people who are depressed beyond motivation. This stands for people who are and have always been a pessimist. If anyone makes a statement that includes “but,” they are not interested in collaborating. They are interested in shutting you up, so you leave them alone. That is the cold hard facts. It could be the parent to the child, or it could be child to a parent. Either way, it does not feel good. If you are interested in changing your language, go ahead and start saying “Yes, And.” See where it gets you.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
