Dysregulation = hot mess
In Episode 14 of the Success is Subjective podcast where I interview Chase Sewell and Jessica Martindale of Onsite Workshops, Jessica said something that really struck a chord with me. She talked about being a mama and how exciting that can be, and more so because Jessica has done a lot of her own therapeutic work. She specifically mentioned her daughter being dysregulated and how she let’s that play out sometimes, but for those of us not clinically trained the best way to understand what dysregulation means is to envision someone being a “hot mess.”
No matter who you are, you can immediately conjure an image of someone who is really struggling. Whether they are not functioning in their professional or personal life, it makes not difference. The visual can get nasty. Like someone who keeps dropping things and then gets wildly frustrated. Or someone who just keeps crying for no apparent reason. Spoiler alert: there is a reason, the person crying may just not have the emotional self-awareness to understand what is happening. Or what about the person who just always is late, cluttered, or distracted? All prime examples of someone who could be a hot mess.
In the mental health world, we refer to this as dysregulation. This is when a client or patient of ours just turns into limbic liquid. This could be internalized or externalized behaviors, and it could be associated with substance use or not. They are not sure what is going on and it can look like a total meltdown. Often, they may even use the expression “I’m not sure what is going on and why I am this upset!” In Jessica’s case, she was talking about her toddler daughter who was emotionally dysregulated. If you have ever been around a screaming or wailing toddler, then you will have no problem now associating that image to the definition of dysregulation. The catch is then, how we help them emotionally regulate?
For early childhood changes, I would say modeling emotional regulation can help. If you yourself as the parent are often dysregulated, that can be a learned behavior. Being dysregulated is humanizing, and yet it is important to curb that from being a constant. For adults, it is about healthy attachments, therapy, and potentially being prescribed medication. At some point in your life if may more than just an emotional roller coaster. It could be addiction and/or biology. There is nothing wrong with you, you just want the supports to kept you back into balance. The next time you see someone you would categorize as hot mess, just think about what they might be going through. Then envision them like a toddler. They are ready to be back in a place where they are bubbly and giggling, but the question is do they know about resources available to help them get there?
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
