A Letter to Parents on "What to Expect in a Transitional-Level-of-Care Program”

Dear Parent(s):

I hope this finds you well! I wanted to share a couple articles that may be a resource to you during your young adult's transition to the transitional program they selected. If we have been working together since before your young adult enrolled in a residential program, I can guarantee to you that the information below is 99% different than what was shared before. If we have only just started working together, I think you’ll find this information to be rather helping for this next step.

First and foremost, "expectations are premeditated resentments."  In an effort to help you not be frustrated, irritated, dismayed, etc. (insert more emotions related to feeling disappointed and angry), I wanted to share some readings and general information about what to expect so that you don't encounter the above emotions. 

• What to expect after enrolling your young adult in treatment (although this was written more so for the parents enrolling their young adult in a residential level of care, it does still apply for extended care too, especially now that your young adult can communicate freely - which can be a good and bad thing). 

• Treatment is not a Quick Fix (This article speaks to how sometimes growth, transition, work can feel like we aren't making progress, but that's because change truly takes time). Similarly, the idea that "Transition is a Process, not an Event" also applies! 

• The difference between sobriety and recovery (this is important to talk about if your young adult struggles with substance abuse and/or or has attempted "sobriety" before). 

• The Art of Letting Go: How to be a Parent of Young Adult (You all have done such amazing jobs up until this point!  Now that your young adult is at their transitional program, it's important to make sure you're taking care of yourself!)

• And most important, Treatment is a fit for the Young Adult, not the Parent (If you aren't getting the communication you want, you can advocate for it.  If you don't like the therapist as much as you liked the therapist from the residential program, remember what matters is that it's best for your young adult!)

There will be some ups and downs with this transitional program. This is how it goes with every program, and every young adult. Nothing in life is perfect, and it’s better to be prepared for the reality of this while in a program. This is how it typically plays out once the young adult is newly enrolled in the program:

• Young adult is on a semi-high from graduating from wilderness/residential and is feeling pretty proud of themselves for this accomplishment 

• They are excited and slightly scared about their transitional program, even though they picked it 

• Because wilderness/residential is a fast pace, they anticipate (and parents do too) that young adult transitional programs/recovery programs will have a similar pace (which they don't). 

• Once the dust settles and they find things they don't love about the program, the young adult and parents can start to have a sour taste in their mouth and then start second-guessing this program being the right fit (often times, I will refer a parent back to all the work they did during wilderness/residential, as that will be key during this time). 

• You, as a parent, must be okay with your young adult being uncomfortable at times.  That could be because they don't get along swimmingly with their roommate, or they won't be able to sign up for classes for a couple weeks (doh!), or the people around them are new to them and they haven't made friends fast enough, etc.  This is a great life lesson in reflecting it back on your young adult to learn to deal with their discomfort and advocate for themselves. As long as they know this is the place they picked and it was their choice and you wouldn't be bringing them back home to live with you, they'll eventually start chugging along with the programming and really find a place for themselves within the community and within the broader town/city that they now moved to.

• The first 5+ weeks tend to be the rockiest. This is usually when the dust settles for the young adult and their choice. If they view it as "being in a program" and struggle stepping out of that perspective, then it will be more painful. If they can look beyond that to seeing being in the program as a launching point to truly get out on their own, it can end up being the best place. If your young adult happens to breeze through the first 5 weeks without any issues, just make sure you’re doing your own work so when, not if, the struggle does arise, you are able to handle it with active listening, reflection, and putting the accountability on your young adult to figure out how they will manage their situation rather than trying to sooth them, or problem-solve for them.

• So to the above point, there will be ups and downs throughout the entire length of stay. This is also normal, as it replicates what life is like. There will be great days, and other days will be not-so-great. Now is the opportunity for you to also learn to allow your young adult to shift their relationship with you as being adult-to-adult (or as much as possible like this!), and more of a partner in them growing up, rather than being a parent responsible for their child. Hopefully that makes sense.

As always, let me know if you have any questions. I will continue to be in touch with the transitional program staff while your young adult gets settled. Soon, I'll reach out to your young adult directly (if it’s appropriate) too! Know that you can reach out to me at any time as well! 

Be well, 

Joanna

*This letter is not meant to be canned or impersonal. If you feel that reading it comes across that way, please schedule a call with me. I can articulate this same messaging specific to your young adult and you so that it may be better received.