Transition is a process, not an event
If your adult child is getting ready to leave a residential treatment program, you hopefully have a transitional living and/or extended care placement lined up for them. If you don’t, that’s hopefully a very intentional, and calculated risk you’ve worked through. Regardless, if you have a program lined up, it’s imperative that both you and your young adult have your expectations in alignment with the reality of what’s to about to happen. To be clear, it’s not an immediate, and swift change. The transition is a process. You must trust the process.
Here’s where the change lies:
While your adult child has been in a residential program for the last 30-90 days, they have been in a highly structured program with a lot of clinical and addiction support, with little to no independence. From when they have groups, to when they can make phones to families, nearly every hour of every day is scheduled out. To go from this high-level of supervision to a transitional program, is a step-down.
Transitional programming is the mid-level of supervision, structure, and programming that your adult child needs. But let me be very clear, with this also includes more independence. It provides space to breath. Space to find a job, start taking classes, and integrate in the community. This level of care does not guarantee sobriety, but it does certainly distinguish the difference between sobriety and recovery. This level of care does not guarantee boredom-free living. And it does that intentionally. We can’t live in a residential-level of care forever. At some point you do need to apply what one has learned: recovery, clinical skills, post-secondary aspirations, and the need to individuate from a family system. This level of care is where I see most parents getting hung up and find themselves immediately disappointed, frustrated, or quick to rescue their adult child from a program
Guess what? This transition was a test to you too. How do you handle your young adult expressing their own frustrations. Are you quick to rescue and question the programming, or are you reflecting back to your adult child and letting them figure it out on their own? Do you find yourself second-guessing the extended care program recommendations because your adult child keeps telling you they “aren’t like anyone else there” and “already know all the things they’re teaching me.” This is a great opportunity for you as well to individuate from your adult child. Let them spread their wings and get on with their life, separate from you. You are no longer responsible for them. Take time to take advantage of this phase for yourself too. Understand that transitional living in a marathon, not a sprint. Often times parents are quick to view residential as a high-paced sprint and expect transitional to have the same pace, and immediate visible results. I hate to break it to you, but that’s just not the case. Lastly change takes time.
Now we also want your adult child to get through the full continuum of care where they can graduate to Alumni programming. This is the least amount of support, with the most independence. Ultimately they are living on their own, keeping their own schedule, and choosing to opt into alumni events and meetings because they see the value in the community support. But how will they ever get to this level of care if a parent is quick to pull their young adult out of transitional living? Think about it. Let go of your expectations, and be open and trusting of program staff to be able to support your adult child (and you) to start this new chapter in your lives?
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
