Returning to College Landmines
When it comes to returning to college after a treatment experience, there is almost always a point of friction between the treatment program staff, and the young adult and their parents. Why? The clinical team recommendations are going to be conservative in ensuring that the work that was done is not immediately unraveled, whereas the young adult and family may be more focused to partly moving forward faster. Their focus is on being back on campus at the start of the semester – come hell or high water.
Over the years, I’ve come to understand some of the reasons the young adult and families are feeling the pressure to return to higher education. Most importantly, I’ve come to be able to quickly identify what we will refer as “landmines” on a college campus that are primed and ready to detonate should the young adult not be fully prepared to return.
Internal pressure to catch up or make up for lost time. If this is the reason to rush back to a college campus, this still is likely in denial of their capabilities in balancing a full courseload after just stepping down from treatment. They’re setting themselves up to not be able to handle the pressure and mostly may drop a class, or several, in the coming months.
Less support or structure. This is what we’d consider too big of a step down. An example being enrolling in a residential treatment for 30-days and then stepping down to only working with an outpatient therapist once a week. View this as standing at the top of the stairs and trying to jump to the landing by skipping several steps. You’re likely to injured yourself on the landing.
Less accountability. Especially when a loved one is studying out-of-state, how do we know they are saying what is asked of them? Are they supposed to be seeing a therapist weekly? Meeting with a coach? Participating in DBT groups? Drug testing? Going to class? Not taking their medications and entering another manic or psychotic episode? All of those things are likely, but how do you know your child will actually follow-through? Often there is room for major conflict between parents and young adults if this is not rock-solid.
Not having a plan for what to tell others about their absence. Not because young adult’s need to be quiet about their experiences, but rather having done therapy around what they feel comfortable sharing vs. not sharing. Lying is what fuels isolation and substance abuse. If there is no plan in place to share in why they are gone, it opens the doors to secrecy which is a slippery slope.
Striving for perfection or academic excellence. This one is really commo, and it’s a dangerous trap. The cognitive dissonance of one’s ability to achieve academically versus what is better for their overall life balance (mental, emotional, physical, academic, etc.), can really set them up to be in a bad spot. If parents place pressure on the young adult too, it can kick off a shame spiral that results in more college interruptions. It’s time to look at the reality of the situation instead of setting the bar for expectations too high.
Comparing to peers. Social media helps to make this damn-near impossible. Remember, what shows up on social media is truly someone’s highlight reel in life. Everyone experiences those lows – breakups, traumas, academic failures, etc. Transition from high school to college is very hard for every single person. Truly. Transitions cause anxiety, stress, and it requires us to put ourselves out there to meet new people, get help, and grow up. Comparison is the theif of joy. Carve your own path and you’ll be a lot less stress because you’re only focused on you and what you’re doing.
Managing coursework, or not having a plan to manage coursework. This one is straightforward. If the plan is to “study more” compared to last year, you’ve already set yourself up to fail. Understand what SMART goals are. If you are a parent reading this, this doesn’t mean you need to do this work for your child. They need to learn to manage on their own. When I worked in higher education I used to tell my college students that they needed to treat college like it was their full-time job.
College isn’t going anywhere. After reading this if you are acknowledging that maybe your focus is on academics rather than the continued mental health care of your young adult (or yourself), maybe it’d be beneficial to pause and reassess.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
