Top 7 Things Parents Wished They'd Done Before Their Kid Went To College
This is one of those situations where you think “coulda-shoulda-woulda.” If you are in a parent facebook group associated with your college, you could take a poll of parents of second year students to know what to do. The results will yield that you could go either way. Ultimately, it’s a problem of what does my kid absolutely need, what am I willing to provide, and then seeing the outcome. If you do ask parents what they wish they had done differently, here are the top 7 responses!
Not had a car the first semester (or year). If you provide a vehicle, it allows a young adult a getaway. If they are not making friends at college, well, I can drive home to home for the weekend all-the-while telling my parents that I am loving school! Not having a car is a humbling experience. Unless they earned the money to buy it themselves, and are paying for insurance, they can go at least one semester, if not two, without a vehicle.
Know where the local hospital is, how to pronounce it, and have your young adult sign releases before they leave. This is more for your sanity, as a parent. Often parents do not think to ask their young adult to sign releases before they leave for college. If you overlook this step, you could end up with a child in the hospital and no way of speaking with medical professionals, understanding how insurance is being applied, and anything around what happened! No matter how much you plead with the hospital staff, they will not communicate with you without signed forms. Aside from proactive medical care releases, there are 6 forms you really want signed before your kid heads off to college!
For your kid, know where the urgent care/ER is, and make sure your young adult knows it is always better to call 911 than have a friend die. There is nothing worse than hearing the story of the young person who was “sleeping off” their heavy alcohol use. Encourage your child to not take a passive stance on medical emergencies. It is better to have a friend be cleared at the hospital rather than wake up in the morning to find out that they did not make it.
Check in on them often in October and February as these are peak times for homesickness. Sending notes, a surprise one-day visit, or care packages around this time are for the win! Especially in October, that’s when students realize the depth of the hole, they have dug themselves into academically (if they did). At this point, shit gets real. Although, the seasons are changing, classes are getting harder, the honeymoon of the college transition has worn off, and quite honestly, they are just missing home. When the reality of what college really means (i.e. volunteering to continue higher learning for another four plus years), students can slip into a depressive state. Make sure you check in! And if they respond with “I’m fine,” know that we are in real trouble!
Before they head off to college, attempt to teach your kids how to fill out paperwork. This includes at the doctor, dentist, etc. They need to have their Social Security number memorized, as well as their home address, your emergency contact information, and they need to be aware of any known allergies. These are things adults need to know about themselves. If you have always been the one to answer those questions on your kid’s behalf, now is the time to teach them what they need to know to be healthy, and independent.
Let your kid dictate the frequency and content of communication. This may be incredibly hard, and yet it’s just as important for you as a parent to start to separate from your kid. When you text or call always end with how you love them and you are proud of them. You will want to be careful to putting pressure on them by being “proud” especially if the lines of communication are not open. You do not know how anxious or depressed they may really be. They could be failing all their classes and afraid to tell you out of fear of disappointment. Do not hesitate to talk about how they are feeling or coping, as they aren’t alone, and neither are you as a parent.
As a parent, if you do not already do this, learn how to just listen. When your college kid calls and tell you they’re struggling (academically, with mental health, etc.), you want to make sure you are hearing them out. Do not rush to solution-mode, as that will discredit your grown kid from telling you the plan they created to get out of the funk. If you fix the problem for them, they do not get the chance to self-soothe. When they are living away from home, they need to know how to self soothe. The best advice in this category is to pick up the book The Campus Cure to read it! If you can, read it before they go off to school! If you are seeing this now, pick it up and read it quickly this weekend! You need to know when to act and when to take inaction!
Again, there is no right way to do this. The transition is tough for the kid, just as much as it is for the parent. Keep these tips in mind as you continue to watch your young adult become independent right in front of your own eyes.
And if the college thing is not working out for your kid, don’t force a square peg in a round hole. Let them figure out what to do instead. If they are struggling with mental health issues and need professional support, know there are people available to assist you.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
