Getting Buy-in from your Kid to go to Treatment
First, this is not an easy task. Some young adults are more aware of their situation and can at least articulate the need to attend treatment, but for the most part no one is excited to go. It’s an even harder task when the parents believe I am the one to get their young adult to buy-in, and they struggle with holding boundaries. Let us cut straight to the chase on this topic.
No, asking me to speak with your young adult beforehand will not help with their willingness to attend treatment. This is a generalization, but 9 out of 10 times it does not work, and it’s truly wishful thinking on the parent’s part. Parents need to understand that in hiring me, they are my customer. My job is to provide a service for them (i.e. helping them get their young adult to launch, etc.). The young adult is viewed as the “client,” and the client does not always have to be in communication with me on the front end. Sure, I am younger and have been working with young adults for a while, but that does not mean I am the young adult whisper.
Where my expertise truly shines is in helping parents to understand and see how they are perpetuating their young adult’s current situation, and then how to stop it. What to say, how to say it, when to say it, and then doing the research to present placement options for when their child would rather go to treatment than continue to live at home. Some parents refer to it as tough love. I refer to it as assertive parenting and stern boundary holding.
If your young adult is over the age of 18 and you are still paying for them, this is something that is open to negotiation. Especially when their mental health is at stake, or they are struggling with addiction. Parents are eligible to make decisions on what they are willing or not willing to pay for. If the young adult wants more, they need to learn to financially provide for themselves. When they realize that the “bank of mom and dad” will no longer be paying for their rent, car insurance, car payments, etc. they will realize how harsh the real world is very quickly. They will also learn to appreciate what their parents provided them with rather quickly.
Parents, it may feel uncomfortable to hold the line with your over-18-year-old, but the reality is that if you do not do it now, they will never learn to live on their own. Their health will continue to suffer, and they will have no reason to go to treatment because they will continue to have a roof over their head, and food to eat.
As much as I wish I were the young adult whisperer, I’m not there yet. When I figure out how to hook a young adult in to wanting to eagerly go to treatment after our first phone call, I will be certain to share that wisdom and knowledge with everyone.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
