Whatever you do, Don't hit Delete!
Whatever you do, do not hit delete. This message is brought you to courtesy of all those who wish they had been given this advice! This topic is specifically regarding texting or social media and is approved by your future attorney. As a parent, if you have not talked with your college kid yet about this, the time to talk to them about it is now.
We all know that when something ends up in the cloud, it can forever be accessed. Hitting delete does nothing. If you do not delete though, it provides you with all the information you may need in a future case. Evidence to prove you were innocent, or evidence to be used against a plaintiff. A college student may not think about the long-term consequence of hitting delete, and in the moment just want that person or those texts to disappear. Tell your kid, “don’t delete!”
This can be extremely valuable information in regard to a Title IX allegation on campus. No one thinks about or wants to go through a Title IX allegation and yet it is happening on college campuses across the nation, daily. Do not delete social media connections. Do not delete any screenshots. Do not delete any texts. Tell your kid to go ahead and block someone temporarily so that they aren’t harassed, however they need to save all the tech exchanges that exist. It could be the difference in being innocent and proven guilty, on or off-campus.
This also relates to revenge porn. Not sure what that is, read more about it here. Whether you kid is the one posting, or they are the target of someone sharing explicit content without the consent of your kid. All you want to do is protect your kid! Pull them from college immediately if it means life or death for your adult child. And during this process, make sure that they do not hit delete, as much as they want to erase that person, or those people, from their memory in order to move on.
In talking about this with your college student, they will most likely think you are nuts for discussing this. But for any parent who is navigating any allegation with their adult child, they wished they’d thought about this sooner. Do yourself and your kid a favor and considering talking about the importance of not hitting delete.
If you find yourself dealing with on-campus allegations, it’s important to lawyer up. You need to find an Attorney who knows how to successfully navigate the higher education judicial systems. Additionally, think about the mental health of your young adult. Most likely they are experiencing a civil death. It’s important to get them removed from the college campus and into a safe environment for them to begin to heal. Hire a professional to help you and your college student navigate this process.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
Revenge Porn
Revenge porn is a real thing, and if you are a parent, you need to know about this. You also will want to talk with your adult child about this, as it could get them in trouble. In the 21st century, sexting is a common way for young people to communicate. Sending scandalous or nude photos or videos is not unusual, especially within a relationship. But what happens when that relationship ends abruptly? Insert: revenge porn.
For a developing brain standpoint, impulsivity reigns true after a painful breakup. Whether it was someone’s first true love, or the person they lost their virginity with, the infatuation of that relationship can be intoxicating. More importantly, the desperation of reconciliation after a broken heart can include doing things a young person will quickly regret.
Is Revenge Porn Legal?
If their partner cheated on them, revenge could help ease the broken heart if only temporarily. To make oneself feel better, there have been far too many revenge porn posts to showcase how unworthy their now-ex is. And depending on when and how this is blasted, a young adult could be looking at some serious legal consequences. If your child did this impulsively and you do not yet have an attorney, you will want to immediately remedy that. Especially if this was done on a college campus, it is prudent that your young adult not say a word. What they posted online cannot be deleted and yet, if they wait to speak until they have legal representation, there is a chance that the legal hammer will not come down quite so hard.
To ensure the reader understands the definition of revenge porn, let me clarify. This is the sharing of explicit content without the consent of the owner. This could be sent via text within a group chat or it could be posted on social media for the world to see. Due to the highly sensitive nature of this as well as the frequency of these cases, nearly all 50 states in the US now have their own revenge porn laws. Not familiar with what the law is in your state or the state where your college student resides? It is time to educate yourself.
It gets worse if your adult child is 18 and was dating someone under the age of 18. If that under-18-year-old was the one who originally sent the explicit material, and your legal adult shares it without their consent, that is child pornography. It does not matter if it was consensual within that state for their relationship to happen, as they are now not an item. That’s quite the legal consequence to naturally deal with after sending out revenge porn as a way to feel better about the breakup.
If this is your adult child right now, you need a hire a professional to help them learn to be less impulsive and to understand healthier relationships. This is not something you will want to sit back and wait for them to grow up about. If anything, it will be several more years before their brain fully develops and at that point, they might have done even more impulsive things!
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
On Campus, the Truth Shall Not Set You Free
The last thing parents may think to talk with their young adult about before they go to college is “what happens if” they get in trouble. Parents do not think to discuss the distinction of speaking with on-campus police versus off-campus police, or the Student Conduct Office, for that matter. Parents also may not think to discuss what common infractions college students can get. If this is something you overlooked before they enrolled in classes, it is not too late to talk now!
First and foremost, it is imperative to mention that this is not something that parents can make disappear. Families can hire an attorney or pay exorbitant fees, but it may still be on their adult child’s record. To guide your child to not incriminate themselves, encourage them to always be cautious on a college campus. Additionally, if they are speaking with police or representatives from the Student Conduct, tell them they need to have a lawyer present. This request could be the difference between months, if not years, of a painful Conduct process.
I have heard of situations where students have been cornered into admitting a crime on-campus to make it “go away.” Those types of situations include taking advantage of an impulsive, developing mind by not alerting parents to avoid scrutiny, embarrassment, or shame. Although college students are adults legally, it is abhorrent for a Student Conduct Officer to get a young adult to agree to a lifetime on the sex-offender registry in exchange for a case to immediately go away and not have their parents involved. Without understanding the depth of that consequence, that is a life sentence.
The truth shall not set a college student free!
The discussion you need to have with your adult child includes the following:
Parents clued into what is going, immediately.
Students do need legal representation.
To be frank, the college is looking out for its reputation. If making an example out of your child helps their reputation, they will do it. Even if they are a third-generation legacy student and your family has donated millions.
Higher Education tends to operate in its own siloed environment, which includes its own law & order. What happens on-campus though can forever haunt a young person off-campus. Whether it’s a Minor in Possession (MIP), Indecent Exposure (i.e. peeing in public), Driving Under the Influence (DUI), Hazing, Title IX allegation, or Academic Dishonesty, it’s imperative that you talk about this with your child before any of these situations arise. It’s better to be prepared and not have to deal with any of this, than to learn that your adult child incriminated themselves and there is nothing you can do as a parent to save them from the legal consequences they will now face.
If your adult child has already landed in this predicament, know that there are resources available to help you, and help them. You can find a shark of an attorney who will help your adult child fight their college’s legal system. You can hire a professional to get your adult child connected to confidential mental health resources as they are most-likely now struggling with anxiety, depression, suicide ideation, and acute stress related to relationships, sex, or college in general. And lastly, if they are wanting to transfer, there are professionals available to help one navigate a transfer application process understanding how the Admissions essay can be the difference between a fresh start, and a continued life sentence.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.