Whatever you do, Don't hit Delete!
Whatever you do, do not hit delete. This message is brought you to courtesy of all those who wish they had been given this advice! This topic is specifically regarding texting or social media and is approved by your future attorney. As a parent, if you have not talked with your college kid yet about this, the time to talk to them about it is now.
We all know that when something ends up in the cloud, it can forever be accessed. Hitting delete does nothing. If you do not delete though, it provides you with all the information you may need in a future case. Evidence to prove you were innocent, or evidence to be used against a plaintiff. A college student may not think about the long-term consequence of hitting delete, and in the moment just want that person or those texts to disappear. Tell your kid, “don’t delete!”
This can be extremely valuable information in regard to a Title IX allegation on campus. No one thinks about or wants to go through a Title IX allegation and yet it is happening on college campuses across the nation, daily. Do not delete social media connections. Do not delete any screenshots. Do not delete any texts. Tell your kid to go ahead and block someone temporarily so that they aren’t harassed, however they need to save all the tech exchanges that exist. It could be the difference in being innocent and proven guilty, on or off-campus.
This also relates to revenge porn. Not sure what that is, read more about it here. Whether you kid is the one posting, or they are the target of someone sharing explicit content without the consent of your kid. All you want to do is protect your kid! Pull them from college immediately if it means life or death for your adult child. And during this process, make sure that they do not hit delete, as much as they want to erase that person, or those people, from their memory in order to move on.
In talking about this with your college student, they will most likely think you are nuts for discussing this. But for any parent who is navigating any allegation with their adult child, they wished they’d thought about this sooner. Do yourself and your kid a favor and considering talking about the importance of not hitting delete.
If you find yourself dealing with on-campus allegations, it’s important to lawyer up. You need to find an Attorney who knows how to successfully navigate the higher education judicial systems. Additionally, think about the mental health of your young adult. Most likely they are experiencing a civil death. It’s important to get them removed from the college campus and into a safe environment for them to begin to heal. Hire a professional to help you and your college student navigate this process.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
When to Return to College after Treatment
Often parents are quick to talk timeline - getting their adult child back into college. If they took a break from college to seek treatment, the pressure of returning to school to ensure they do not fall behind their peers can feel crushing. College is not going anywhere, and it will certainly be there when the young adult is healthy enough to return. But how do you know when it is time? That is a great question we want to explore.
To make sure it is clearly stated, treatment is not a quick fix. Whether we are talking about mental health, substance abuse, or both, it is important to mention that it takes awhile to for the mind and body to heal. Although the young adult or parents may be beyond eager to get them back onto campus, doing it prematurely invites failure. If the young adult is driving the return to college, the parent needs to listen to the mental health professionals in the recommended timeline. By holding the boundary of telling them they cannot go back to college, it forces the young adult to slow down. This allows them to build the strength and resilience needed to be successful when returning to campus.
Stability in recovery takes time. The stabilization period can be between three to six months. From the addiction treatment lens, that will encompass three months in a residential level of care, and three subsequent months starting off in extended care. From a mental health recovery lens, that encompasses three months in a residential level of care, and then three subsequent months starting off in a step-down or transitional level of mental health care. Notice that neither of these options mention a drop-off in care or returning immediately to campus with outpatient services. Why? Because they do not work. It is like going straight from learning to swim with floaties in the shallow end to immediately diving off the deep-end unsupervised. It is too much, too soon.
Another way to identify if your loved one is ready to return to college is if they are too ill to volunteer or have a job. During their extended care or transitional care placement, if they are still struggling to participate in that capacity there is no way they would be able to successfully complete college coursework. With the start of each passing semester and the ability to watch their peers having the time of their life on social media, it will pull hard on the heartstrings to get the young person back on campus. Post addiction treatment, returning to the same campus with the same friends still around opens the door to relapse. Looking at transferring and finding a collegiate recovery program could be the difference between sobriety and recovery.
Lastly, for chronic mental health, it can’t be said enough that taking time away from college takes precedence over achieving the college diploma before the age of 21. If your loved one is diagnosed Bipolar and just experienced their first manic episode, the next twelve months will be filled with a ton of ups and downs. Between stabilization, medication, therapy, and learning to live with a lifelong diagnosis, this is not an ideal time to be in college. Show support for your adult child by letting them know that college will be there when they are healthy enough to show up.
No timeline will be the same for a young adult. Regardless, it’s safe to say that a minimum of six months is necessary between leaving college and getting treatment and then returning to campus. The ideal separation includes a full twelve months through a continuum of care. If you push the college timeline, you jeopardize the health of your adult child. Adding to their mental health by factoring in acute stress related to school failure will only stretch out the recovery process. Think about the mental health over timeline for college diploma.
To navigate this process of knowing where to look for stabilization, or where to enroll for extended care, hire a professional. This is not a journey you want to navigate alone, and you will want someone in your corner to ensure you understand the “why” behind the clinical recommendations and timeline.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
On Campus, the Truth Shall Not Set You Free
The last thing parents may think to talk with their young adult about before they go to college is “what happens if” they get in trouble. Parents do not think to discuss the distinction of speaking with on-campus police versus off-campus police, or the Student Conduct Office, for that matter. Parents also may not think to discuss what common infractions college students can get. If this is something you overlooked before they enrolled in classes, it is not too late to talk now!
First and foremost, it is imperative to mention that this is not something that parents can make disappear. Families can hire an attorney or pay exorbitant fees, but it may still be on their adult child’s record. To guide your child to not incriminate themselves, encourage them to always be cautious on a college campus. Additionally, if they are speaking with police or representatives from the Student Conduct, tell them they need to have a lawyer present. This request could be the difference between months, if not years, of a painful Conduct process.
I have heard of situations where students have been cornered into admitting a crime on-campus to make it “go away.” Those types of situations include taking advantage of an impulsive, developing mind by not alerting parents to avoid scrutiny, embarrassment, or shame. Although college students are adults legally, it is abhorrent for a Student Conduct Officer to get a young adult to agree to a lifetime on the sex-offender registry in exchange for a case to immediately go away and not have their parents involved. Without understanding the depth of that consequence, that is a life sentence.
The truth shall not set a college student free!
The discussion you need to have with your adult child includes the following:
Parents clued into what is going, immediately.
Students do need legal representation.
To be frank, the college is looking out for its reputation. If making an example out of your child helps their reputation, they will do it. Even if they are a third-generation legacy student and your family has donated millions.
Higher Education tends to operate in its own siloed environment, which includes its own law & order. What happens on-campus though can forever haunt a young person off-campus. Whether it’s a Minor in Possession (MIP), Indecent Exposure (i.e. peeing in public), Driving Under the Influence (DUI), Hazing, Title IX allegation, or Academic Dishonesty, it’s imperative that you talk about this with your child before any of these situations arise. It’s better to be prepared and not have to deal with any of this, than to learn that your adult child incriminated themselves and there is nothing you can do as a parent to save them from the legal consequences they will now face.
If your adult child has already landed in this predicament, know that there are resources available to help you, and help them. You can find a shark of an attorney who will help your adult child fight their college’s legal system. You can hire a professional to get your adult child connected to confidential mental health resources as they are most-likely now struggling with anxiety, depression, suicide ideation, and acute stress related to relationships, sex, or college in general. And lastly, if they are wanting to transfer, there are professionals available to help one navigate a transfer application process understanding how the Admissions essay can be the difference between a fresh start, and a continued life sentence.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.