Returning to College after a Hospitalization
While a young adult is in a hospital detoxing near their college campus, the last thing on anyone’s mind is when they can return to school. And yes, when parents are inquiring about treatment programs, often they are asking about discharge timeline to ensure their kid will be back on campus before the start of the next semester. Let’s pause right there.
Your kid is detoxing in a hospital. You’re inquiring about treatment programs, and potentially, selecting the program based on whether they’ll accommodate you in letting your kid return to college before next term. Let that sink in again.
If your kid is hospitalized, college is not something that needs to be discussed right now. Period. Your kids’ health and wellbeing, however, is way more important in this exact moment. College isn’t going anywhere. Best case scenario, your kid will be in treatment far longer than the typical length of a winter break. Worst case scenario, they are required to reapply to be a student. This could go one of two ways, though.
First, it may be more appropriate for your kid to transfer. If they experienced traumas while on campus, it may be easier to start fresh somewhere new. Or, your kid tells you they need more time in recovery. They want to discover a passion so that when, not if, they return to college one day, they’ll be driven to a degree they are interested in. This is a fear most parents have. If your kid leaves college, they’ll never return. That is a very irrational fear. Again, your child’s help if far more important in this moment. To the point, if your focus as their parent doesn’t shift to them getting better, but rather, them returning to school, you could potentially lose your child, your adult child.
Don’t be that parent that is driving the college degree over mental health or substance abuse. Your kid needs to be stable, sober, and surrounded by a community of therapeutic professionals that can help them remain in that space of security and safety. When they’re ready, college will be there.
For questions or comments contact Joanna.
Dear Parents: An Expectations Letter about Transitional Programming
Dear Parents:
Congratulations on your young adult making it through a residential level of care! I wanted to share a couple articles that may be a resource to you during [insert your kid’s name] transition to [insert name of extended care/recovery program/sober living].
What to expect after enrolling your young adult in treatment (although this was written more so for the parents enrolling their young adult in a residential level of care, it does still apply for extended care too, especially now that [insert kid’s name] can communicate freely - which can be a good and bad thing).
Treatment is not a Quick Fix (This article speaks to how sometimes growth, transition, work can feel like we aren't making progress, but that's because change truly takes time). Similarly, the idea that "Transition is a Process, not an Event" also applies!
The difference between sobriety and recovery (this is important to talk about since he has attempted "sobriety" before).
The Art of Letting Go: How to be a Parent of Young Adult (You all have done such amazing jobs up until this point! Now that he's at [insert program name], it's important to make sure you're taking care of yourself!)
And most important, Treatment is a fit for the Young Adult, not the Parent (If you aren't getting the communication you want, you can advocate for it. If you don't like the therapist as much as you liked [insert name of wilderness therapist] remember what matters is that it's best for your kid!)
There will be some ups and downs with [insert name of program]. This is how it goes with every program, and every young adult. This is how it typically plays out:
Young adult is on a semi-high from graduating from wilderness/residential and is feeling pretty proud of themselves for this accomplishment
They are excited and slightly scared about their transitional program, even though they picked it
Because wilderness/residential is a fast pace, they anticipate (and parents do too) that young adult transitional programs/recovery programs will have a similar pace (which they don't).
Once the dust settles and they find things they don't love about the program, the young adult and parents can start to have a sour taste in their mouth and then start second-guessing this program being the right fit (often times, I will refer a parent back to all the work they did during wilderness/residential, as that will be key during this time).
You, as a parent, have to be okay with your young adult being uncomfortable at times. That could be because they don't get along swimmingly with their roommate, or they won't be able to sign up for classes for a couple weeks, or the people around them are new to them and they haven't made friends fast enough, etc. This is a great life lesson in reflecting it back on [your kid’s name] to learn to deal with his discomfort and advocate for himself. As long as he knows this is the place he picked and it was his choice and you wouldn't be bringing him home, he'll eventually start chugging along with the programming and really find a place for himself within the community and within the broader [insert city where program is located] area.
The first 5+ weeks tend to be the rockiest. This is usually when the dust settles for the young adult and their choice. If they view it as "being in a program" and struggle stepping out of that perspective, then it will be more painful. If they can look beyond that to seeing being in the program as a launching point to truly get out on their own, it can end up being the best place.
There will be ups and downs throughout the entire length of stay. This is also normal, as it replicates what life is like. There will be great days, and other days will be not-so-great. Now is the opportunity for you to also learn to allow [insert your kid’s name] to shift his relationship with you as being adult-to-adult (or as much as possible like this!), and more of a partner in him growing up, rather than being a parent responsible for their child. Hopefully that makes sense.
Let me know if you have any questions. I will continue to be in touch with [insert name of program] staff while [insert your kid’s name] gets settled. In the near future, I'll reach out to [insert your kid’s name] directly. Any of you can reach out to me at any time!
Be well,
Joanna