Tough Love

Boomers and Generation X do not like the idea of “tough love.”  This generalization feels all-too-real right now.  Parents who grew up with strict parents are uncomfortable filling their parent’s shoes.  They do not like confrontation with their own children.  And now, we have a generation (Millennials and Generation Z) who are still living at home or struggling to be independent.  Why?  I genuinely believe that it is because there was a lack of tough love through childhood.

No, I am not saying parents need to be authoritarian and punitive.  What I am recommending, however, is that becoming friends with your kids should not be a priority until they are grown and out of the house.  While they are under your roof, they live under your rules.  If you do not have rules, you invite chaos.  You can make gentle suggestions for your children to leave, and nowhere will a suggestion be taken seriously until a parent becomes firm and direct.  Parents need to establish boundaries and abide by them, as do their kids.  Without boundaries, your kids will rule the roost. Again, chaos ensues.

If any parent is reading this, know that it is okay to give tough love.  I am not recommending you be like this 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  And yet, you do need to establish yourself in the parent role.  If you are not a parent to your children, which includes regulating them, then what are you? And truly, your children want a parent to tell them what to do, whether they say that or not.  They do need law & order within the home.  They do want to butt heads with you, as you are allowing them to have a voice.  Lean into the discomfort of the tough love approach.  If you don’t, it could really impact your children.

For questions or comments contact Joanna.